3am

Ugh awake again.
Friday was a tough day, saw my oncologist and visited the chemo ward . For the first time palliative care appeared in written form,god I hate that word . Got told off for not taking the laxatives - much talk of overflow and I feel like my bowels are a broken toilet . Soo less thinking and more just taking the cocktails of drugs coming at me. No idea how people work during treatment as blood tests, line flushes, oncologist and chemo as been lots of hospital trips.
We brought Ryan’s birthday sleepover forward as I wasn’t sure how I would feel after chemo . Maudlin thoughts of would I see another of his birthdays  .. as Alison says it’s ok to go there ( to THAT place) but you are not unpacking so mental shake and back on the horse we go. The kids are being really careful around my PICC line, it’s still very tender but healing . Flu jab today as oncologist said best squeeze it in before chemo ( surgeon had said no). The low residue diet is taking some getting used to but worth it if we can keep obstruction at bay .
Chris has done a spreadsheet of symptoms and meds and their side effects 🙈 in quite a lot of pain but I understand even from the first treatment the chemo will help reduce that
Time to try sleeping again , was in bed for 9 as I get so tired now