Yet again we are truly humbled by how amazing people can be. The footie forum Chris goes on asked what is on my bucket list and decided to raise the money for us to take the kids to Disney

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/hopkins-euro-disney

I can’t wait to see their faces when we tell them !!

It’s been a while but that’s because I’ve spent a fair bit of time in hospital . Firstly in June I got an infection , then was admitted with pain and vomiting which led to a scan and the discovery that Delores has spread further across my omentum . So no more centuximab ( a first line treatment ) as it was no longer working . Delores didn’t spread due to a few weeks between chemo sessions , she spread because she is a devious evil bitch and was always going to find a way round the chemo .
 Last week I tried a new type  of chemo and ended up extremely ill and yep for the fourth time in 2 months back in hospital .
So .... today we saw the oncologist . Doc said can't do anything to make this chemo any easier on me , it was the lowest dose and with all the anti sickness there is he completely understands our decision to stop chemo now and try to enjoy life, as the side effects are too much. The best we could hope for was a shrinkage , there has never been a possibility of a cure  He and the nurse said after everything I’ve  been through  I couldn’t have tried any harder .Obviously aware that I  can still be hospitalized from disease pain and side effects etc but that's the lesser of two evils as far as we are concerned. Last week was the straw that broke the camel's back, and I can't put the kids , Chris or me through that over and over again . So now the plan is to enjoy however long I have left with my family and friends . I’m still the incredibly stubborn and unpredictable me . Thank you for all the love you show us , especially Chris , all those things that don’t seem huge are huge to us - be that phone calls , looking after the kids , hugs , it all helps

Love

Tracy and Chris xx

Nothing like spring and the signs of new life to get you thinking . Had a lovely walk on the beach but can barely move now and I guess the increased pain has got me thinking about what is going on in there . Whilst I didn’t have many symptoms of Delores I’ve been largely getting on with things but as the pains been getting worse I’ve been forced to face it . I had a scan onThursday and now we wait for the results . Daft worrying really as I can’t change the outcome - if Delores has spread the only option is still chemo .  Also at the end of August it will be a year since my diagnosis which reminds me the prognosis was 12-18 months. Anyway enough doom and gloom , time for more morphine and hanging out with my family

It’s been a while

yikes it’s actually 3 months since my last update . Sooo I guess in brief I had my second chemo at the start of January - which made me incredibly  poorly again so resulted in 5 days in hospital . Third time lucky and 4th due to taking all the anti sickness meds going . 5th and 6th  not so good due to the addition of centuximab which irritates my stoma , gives me acne , a sore tongue and basically makes me feel incredibly poorly and miserable  . After 3 goes at it we’ve decided to stop the centuximab as the negatives outweigh the positives , it’s not a guaranteed cure and it’s more important I can spend quality time with my family enjoying life . Will carry on with the other chemo still
I also had a scan which showed the  main Delores is slightly thicker and the other parts showed no change and no new sites which is positive  . The scan also showed blood clots in my lungs , apparently it’s very common in cancer patients and people undergoing chemo so I now have to inject my tummy every day to break them up and prevent more ( clearly my body thought Delores wasn’t enough to be going on with )
We are having our ups and downs, I get very angry with all the things Delores stops me/us doing . I’m incredibly lucky to have such an amazing husband who literally deals with my crap inside and out , keeeps us all going and our children , well we couldn’t be prouder of how well they take all this disruption
That’s it for now , at the moment I’m sick to the back teeth of cancer- it’s on the tv , in the high street , the appointments fill my diary I can never get away from it

Chemo update

we saw the oncologist on Wednesday and although he is happy with my progress he wants to wait a bit  longer for my surgery wound to heal and for the stoma output to be thicker . So I see him on 5th Jan with the aim to start chemo again the following week .Doc felt the sickness before my op was mainly down to the blockage in my bowel than due to the chemo which is good news .
So for now we focus on the wound healing and having a wonderful Christmas
Merry Christmas and thanks again for all your love and support

Tracy and Chris xx

The op, stoma and beyond

sorry it’s been so long since an update . On the 11th November I underwent emergency major surgery where they did a right hemicolectomy ,an end ileostomy and transverse colon mucus fistula. In short in 3 1/2 hours they took half of my large bowel out and fitted two stoma bags. It was all very rushed. I had been admitted to hospital as I was being so sick which we thought was due to the chemo . On the Thursday I was in a lot of pain and a CT scan showed a large bowel obstruction. At 1.30 -m Saturday the surgeon came over from the QMC and they said it was literally going to burst and they had to operate immediately . Woke up completely disorientated and completely out of it with pain relief . On Saturday 25th the wound started leaking after they had removed the staples closing it (30 stitches !) so now I have a district nurse coming every day to pack and dress the wound (ouch!)
Fast forward to Monday 27th and they let me come home . It’s been really hard getting used to the stoma as have had a few leaks , including in the night . From tomorrow I’ve got someone coming in to help me wash and dress - I can’t bend , plus I’m not allowed to lift more than a kettle as at risk of a hernia . It’s very frustrating not being able to do much but the focus for now is concentrating on the wound healing , all my insides healing and the Stoma’s settling down . Hopefully we can resume chemo in the new year . Very tired and I’ve learnt now that if I can’t keep my eyes open then my body needs sleep ! Thank you to our amazing friends who stepped right in and helped with the kids and came to keep me company , words can’t say just how much we appreciate it and how grateful we are

Trace xx

3am

Ugh awake again.
Friday was a tough day, saw my oncologist and visited the chemo ward . For the first time palliative care appeared in written form,god I hate that word . Got told off for not taking the laxatives - much talk of overflow and I feel like my bowels are a broken toilet . Soo less thinking and more just taking the cocktails of drugs coming at me. No idea how people work during treatment as blood tests, line flushes, oncologist and chemo as been lots of hospital trips.
We brought Ryan’s birthday sleepover forward as I wasn’t sure how I would feel after chemo . Maudlin thoughts of would I see another of his birthdays  .. as Alison says it’s ok to go there ( to THAT place) but you are not unpacking so mental shake and back on the horse we go. The kids are being really careful around my PICC line, it’s still very tender but healing . Flu jab today as oncologist said best squeeze it in before chemo ( surgeon had said no). The low residue diet is taking some getting used to but worth it if we can keep obstruction at bay .
Chris has done a spreadsheet of symptoms and meds and their side effects 🙈 in quite a lot of pain but I understand even from the first treatment the chemo will help reduce that
Time to try sleeping again , was in bed for 9 as I get so tired now