Basingstoke

What a day  . No beds on ward so spent the day in the admissions lounge . No one knew what each other were doing but the upshot is eventually had an MRI and a chest X-ray , results not back yet. Had a chat with a registrar and feel a lot more informed about what the tests were for, what the possible plans are. Laparoscopy tomorrow afternoon then the big chat .

Bucket list

Tracy's Bucket List 

Take the kids to Disneyland 

See NY Rangers play at Madison Square Gardens 

See the following bands and go backstage :

NIN

Depeche Mode 

Incubus

Faith no more 

Go to Harry Potter studio tour 

Smash a building with a wrecking ball 

Go glamping in the Lake District 

Watch the sunrise and sunset in one day 

Attend a murder mystery

See a musical in London 

Sit on the bench with the Panthers during a game 

Read the top 100 banned books

Drink a pint of Guinness in Ireland 

Have afternoon tea at a fancy hotel in London 

Visit the Tower of London 

Visit Barley home of the witch trials 

Go on a second honeymoon to Stratford 

Watch England play a test match 

Go to Reading festival or Download

Go to Wimbledon 

Well here we are at the hotel and have been to the ward . Rather disturbing as lots of old people looking extremely sick - really hit home how mammoth it all is. Think both of us wanted to hightail it out of there . So got to  be there at 10 for MRI , big girl pants back on in the morning .All still feels quite dreamlike ( nightmare ) and unreal , in the car we were talking about how insane this is , to get a rare aggressive cancer that's already taken root in so many places , how there really is no positive spin to put on it as it truly is as bad as can be
Ordinarily being in a hotel just us would be so exciting , whilst it's certainly nicer than being on a ward both struggling to enjoy it . Desperately missing my babies, think will eat as no breakfast allowed tomorrow then head back in sand tonight

Basingstoke

Got a call today asking me to go down to Basingstoke on Sunday evening for a MRI scan and possibly a laparoscopy then coming home on the Wednesday  . Nanny and grandad are coming up to look after the munchkins but it's a step forward ,albeit a scary one

Please stop asking about Basingstoke , if I have any news I will share it here . Even if I do get the go ahead it's not as straightforward as people think - it's major surgery and we will make the decision if and when .Going on about it is really getting to me and I feel awful enough with this cold as well.
On a positive note thank  you to our lovely friends for meals, cold relief and hugs xx

Grouchy

Feeling grouchy today. Ive got a cold and you know how crap that is even when everything else is ok. Constant upset guts. Izzy was up all night coughing and although she was in Chris excellent hands I felt crap I couldn't look after her. More bad mummy and wife thoughts as I've snapped at them all day

No news from Basingstoke , will post here when there is. I don't want to think about it. They could say no and I'm not investing time and more worry ( it terrifies me) into it until we know either way. So please forget about it for now and stop talking about it. Plan B is still a possibility

Going to attempt some sleep and face the world afresh tomorrow

In a strange mood today . All of us have colds and aren't at our best, nothing feels right . Should hear from Basingstoke this week . For the first time in ages there are no appointments this week. Still trying to find the new normal for us