Stan the sternomastoids turn

Back at the QMC today - this time for something routine - my pain clinic appointment . Think the doc got carried away this morning but at least it's done. As we don't know what the cancer treatment will be or when I've got an open appointment as opposed to 12 weeks time.
Had a wonderful busy weekend with Chris and the kids surprising them with a trip to Legoland , staying overnight at premier inn and spending Sunday at whipsnade zoo . Paying it for it with the sharp pains back in my side so dosed up on buscopan and pain relief and resting in my pjs watching strictly
Totally astounded by crowdfunding , it's paying for much needed treats with my family and giving them lots of memories , thank you so much

Struggling

Can't sleep. In quite a lot of pain and exhausted. The reality that this type of cancer is a death sentence and that Basingstoke is the only stay of execution keeps hitting me in waves . Wary of taking pain relief in case it causes constipation - a blocked bowel would require immediate surgery.
So here I am, listening to the three loves of my life breathing, going over it all in my head. The unfairness, the improbability of it all. The desire to keep fighting it, keep pushing back against it consuming me. Trying not to be swallowed by the black pit of despair . The realisation that although I look well the cancer is what makes me incredibly tired , the fact I can't control it, or what Basingstoke say. It's incredibly lonely in this place, in such a minority . Not wanting to burden everyone. I guess in this blog I can say it all what I can't say face to face

Official results and meeting with consultant

Ok, so now we have a medical name for Dolores, she's  known as Signet Ring Cell Carcinoma, which has spread from the bowel to the uterus, lymph nodes, omentum and peritoneum. It's rare, it's very aggressive and unfortunately too far advanced to treat the "normal" way with surgery to remove the tumour(s) and chemotherapy in Nottingham.

I've been referred to Basingstoke for specialist Cytoreductive Surgery (CRS) and Hyperthermic Intraperitoneal Chemotherapy (HIPEC) treatment.  We should hear back in 2 to 3 weeks to see if they think it's viable. It's known as the Mother Of All Surgeries (MOAS), and also The Sugarbaker Technique, which is a very major procedure, with the goal of trying to get rid of all of Dolores, keeping her locked up in her office and giving me a few more good years, with even the rare (that word again) chance of a cure. On the plus side I could get a free tummy tuck thrown in!

We're keeping everything crossed, now that it is an option, and we have a lot more knowledge of what's happening. They were impressed with my positive outlook and how we were asking lots of questions, and not giving in. In this battle a stubborn nature, along with being young, fit, healthy and a great support network will go a long way

Emma's getting muddy

My lovely friend Emma is getting all muddy in my name , let's support her 😘 https://fundraise.cancerresearchuk.org/page/emmas-fundraising-page-1238

Roll on Tuesday

Ok so next appointment will be on Tuesday and I guess we find out the plan . It's the consultant I saw over the weekend , will see what I make of him this time

Not starting TA course

Not sure if I said but this weekend really hit me hard and we've decided not to to do the course now . Need to focus on keeping me healthy and ( this bit isn't my forte ) but also rest

Not glowing

I'm pleased to report Tuesdays PET scan was a lot nicer than the CT scan last Friday and with none of the nasty side effects  . We were all kind of hoping I would glow in the dark or develop amazing mutant powers but so far nothing, sigh

Playing the waiting game again .The MDT meeting is tomorrow