Can't sleep. In quite a lot of pain and exhausted. The reality that this type of cancer is a death sentence and that Basingstoke is the only stay of execution keeps hitting me in waves . Wary of taking pain relief in case it causes constipation - a blocked bowel would require immediate surgery.
So here I am, listening to the three loves of my life breathing, going over it all in my head. The unfairness, the improbability of it all. The desire to keep fighting it, keep pushing back against it consuming me. Trying not to be swallowed by the black pit of despair . The realisation that although I look well the cancer is what makes me incredibly tired , the fact I can't control it, or what Basingstoke say. It's incredibly lonely in this place, in such a minority . Not wanting to burden everyone. I guess in this blog I can say it all what I can't say face to face
1 comment:
Night time is the lonely time. Mind runs riot. You keep going over and over then you start second guessing. Tracy it's normal to feel like that don't beat yourself up you loon at the three loves of your life that's what your fighting for precious time with them hugs coming your way
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